Victoria's Secret Swim Special 2015 review (Archive)

[These articles were originally written around 2014-15 for a separate outlet whose redesign has resulted in several of my pieces being lost. I'm republishing a number of my favourites on this blog for posterity. This particular review was chosen in honour of the never-ending pleasure of being rude about Maroon 5. Definitely not just so I had an excuse to go searching for images of Lily Aldridge and Behati Prinsloo.]

It’s a hard life being a television critic. Sometimes you just have to sit down, steel yourself, and watch a full hour of the world’s hottest models prance about in miniscule bikinis on gorgeous tropical beaches for review, because, well, it’s your job. No, don’t feel the need to send letters of thanks. These are the sacrifices we make; extensive rewinding, pausing and all.

So, the Swim Special. In a gripping narrative, the Angels turn up in Puerto Rico to shoot photos for the Victoria Secret swimsuit catalogue, with the dramatic stakes terrifyingly high as each model competes to claim the much sought-after cover. Lily Aldridge, owner of a body so celestial you’d expect planets to revolve around it, is up first, proving herself a master of understatement by describing the shoot as ‘epic’ and ‘legendary’. Truly, hers is a task Heracles would wilt to face, having to overcome crippling vertigo by climbing a small ladder onto a moderately sized boulder.

The Naked Truth - Anne Hathaway

[The Naked Truth is a feature celebrating the lives and careers of the most talented women that pop culture has to offer. The fact they're also all incredibly gorgeous is just a great excuse to post as many stunning images of them as possible. You can see more of this sort of thing at Flixist's Some Like It Hot feature. CLICK THE IMAGES TO SEE THEM IN FULL SIZE.]

The Dark Knight Rises may have slightly disappointed as the conclusion to Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy, but the casting of the multi-talented Anne Hathaway as Selina Kyle was an unquestionable success. Following in such prestigious pawprints as Lee Meriwether, Eartha Kit (leave it, Pierce!), Julie Newmar, Adrienne Barbeau in the 1992 animated series, and Michelle Pfeiffer - Halle Berry's interpretation representing the runt of the litter - Hathaway hit a perfect balance between the steely but vulnerable Selina and her smoky, deadly alter-ego. Plus, she looked phenomenal in the catsuit. You'd better believe there's photographic evidence after the jump.

It's the latest step in a career which has seen Hathaway cement her place as one of the few actresses who can be both unashamedly sexy while still respected for her dramatic talents. Her versatility has stood her in good stead, continuing to employ her skills as a comic while bagging an Academy Award nomination for more serious work. She's flexible, fashionable and feline: Anne Hathaway, welcome to your Naked Truth...

  

The Naked Truth - Emily Blunt

[The Naked Truth is a feature celebrating the lives and careers of the most talented women that pop culture has to offer. The fact they're also all incredibly gorgeous is just a great excuse to post as many stunning images of them as possible. You can see more of this sort of thing at Flixist's Some Like It Hot feature.]

There's no justice in the world. That much is official now. Otherwise, how else would John Krasinski, of It's Complicated and License To Wed fame, be married to the charming, funny, all-acting, all-singing Brit babe-stravaganza Emily Blunt? I mean, I'm sure he's a lovely chap. But License To Wed? Where's karma when you need it?

I can't deny there's sour grapes on my part. (What, you noticed?). Blunt seems dangerously close to being the perfect woman: in addition to her jaw-dropping looks, she's one of the most versatile and nuanced actresses working today, never failing to be the best thing in any of her films. So you win this round, Krasinski, but read on after the jump anyway for a look back her already distinguished career, the many reasons for her enormous appeal, and perhaps fantasizes about what might have been if Mrs. Blunt (goddamn it, I'm not saying Mrs. Krasinski) had instead taken a shine to, oh I don't know, a certain English internet film reviewer/features writer, perhaps? She's elegant, exciting and exceedingly English. Emily Blunt, welcome to your Naked Truth...

The Naked Truth: Jennifer Lawrence

[The Naked Truth is a feature celebrating the lives and careers of the most talented women that pop culture has to offer. The fact they're also all incredibly gorgeous is just a great excuse to post as many stunning images of them as possible. You can see more of this sort of thing at Flixist's Some Like It Hot feature.]

The Hunger Games is one of the most talked about movies of 2012 - read my review here - down in no small part to its sensational leading lady, Jennifer Lawrence.

There's no question Hollywood is already resplendent with gorgeous young actresses, but what makes Lawrence stand out is that she's as gifted in the latter category - being an actress - as the former two. As Katniss Everdeen, she's found a role representing that rarest thing in blockbuster movies: a woman every bit as strong, clever and self-reliant as the men against whom she's fighting. Having already been acclaimed for outstanding previous performances in indie and blockbuster movies alike, there's no question of Lawrence being as assured of a place among the superstars as in fanboy hearts and other happy places.

Follow me on my own tribute to everyone's favourite tribute. She's talented, tomboyish and terrifically titillating. Jennifer Lawrence, welcome to your Naked Truth...

  

The Naked Truth: Yvonne Strahovski

[The Naked Truth is a feature celebrating the lives and careers of the most talented women that pop culture has to offer. The fact that they're also all incredibly gorgeous is just a great excuse to post as many stunning images as possible. You can see more of this sort of thing at Flixist's Some Like It Hot feature.]

This Friday sees Chuck reach the end of its improbable five-season run. In itself, that is something to mourn, but doubly so when taking into account that it means an end to five years of having our television screens graced by the wonderful Yvonne Strahovski. 

Excellent though Chuck's entire cast is, Strahovski has to be considered the breakout star. Her character, Sarah Walker, was immediately propelled into the nerd high consciousness, and not just for her willingness to indulge the Buy More wind machine. As we bid a fond farewell to the series, let's take a moment to pay tribute to this generation's Emma Peel.

She's everyone's favourite athletic, ass-kicking Aussie. Yvonne Strahovski, welcome to your Naked Truth...

 

The Naked Truth: Alison Brie

[The Naked Truth is a feature celebrating the lives and careers of the most talented women that pop culture has to offer. The fact that they're also all incredibly gorgeous is just a great excuse to post as many stunning images as possible. You can see more of this sort of thing at Flixist's Some Like It Hot feature.]

As much as Fox might be pushing Zooey Deschanel in New Girl as the face of *shudder* 'adorkable', Brie has owned that market since first appearing on our screens, be they computer (she has done two web series) or television, where she appears in both one of the most celebrated comedies (Community) and dramas (Mad Men) of modern times. But where Deschanel is defined by her quirkiness, Brie can move between adorable geekiness to flirty sexpot or glamorous '60s sophisticate at the drop of a hat, fitting as easily into a period drama as a knockabout ensemble comedy.

She's dorky, distinguished and devilishly delicious. Welcome to your Naked Truth, Alison Brie...

  

The Naked Truth: The Women Of The New TV Season

READER VOTE

[The Naked Truth is a feature celebrating the lives and careers of the most talented women that pop culture has to offer. The fact that they're also all incredibly gorgeous is just a great excuse to post as many stunning images as possible. You can see more of this sort of thing at Flixist's Some Like It Hot feature.]

Last week saw the first entry in a new feature, The Naked Truth, focusing on the magnificent Zoë Saldana ahead of the UK release of Colombiana. With the new television season looming, it seemed inevitable that one of the many talented and gorgeous ladies set to grace the small screen was going to be the subject of the feature's second entry - but which one?

With such a vast number of fantastic actresses to choose from, it seemed unfair for me to be the one to pick, so instead the choice will go to you. Beneath the jump are eight women whom you can choose from to be the subject of the next Naked Truth article. Just leave a comment with the name you'd like to see come out on top - so to speak. Even with the selection limited to one actress per show, there are some real fan favourites in there, so make sure you get your vote in before the article goes up on September 21st!

Read on to pick your champion...

 

The Naked Truth: Zoë Saldana

[The Naked Truth is a feature celebrating the lives and careers of the most talented women that pop culture has to offer. The fact that they're also all incredibly gorgeous is just a great excuse to post as many stunning images as possible. You can see more of this sort of thing at Flixist's Some Like It Hot feature - where this particular article originated.]

Filling the shoes of a twelve-year old wouldn't normally be seen as a difficult task, but in the case of Colombiana, the Luc Besson-produced thriller which opens in the US next week and is being seen as a spiritual remake of his 1994 smash hit Léon, those shoes belong to Natalie Portman and the role in which she gave a star-making (and arguably still her best) performance. Whilst the name of the character might have changed from Mathilda to the rather more exotic Cataleya Restrepo, and her age increased by two decades, the similarities between the two roles would be a daunting legacy for any actress to take on.

Taking on challenges hasn't exactly daunted Zoë Saldana in the past, though. Whether or not she kicks the young Portman to the curb remains to be seen, but she has made her name by taking on the kinds of roles which would make those of a less fearless disposition shy away. She took over Nichelle Nichols' historic legacy as Uhura in J.J. Abrams Star Trek reboot, before playing the entirely performance-captured role of Neytiri in James Cameron's comeback smash Avatar. No surprise that she has developed a reputation as one of the silver screen's few credible female action leads.

She's fearless, fierce and frickin' foxy: in other words, a perfect first subject for Naked Truth examination...